Weekend Roundup: Time Travel Food

I often think about the amount of time that I spend in the car commuting to work and how it relates to those slices of pie that make up your delicious allotment of time on this planet. Mine has got to be shoefly pie.

This is what it probably looks like:

This is what it feels like:

Do you think that we make the most of our time? When I used to commute using public transportation, I would read books and listen to music the entire duration of my journey. That seemed like the maximum sustainable sensory overload for me but I’m always jealous of the people who telecommute. I guess what I’m thinking is that our goal to be able to work from home deprives us of, what some may say, necessary meditation and just all around, daily you time. FUCK YEAH. DEATHMETAL DRUM AND BASS FRIDAY.

This blog is awesome: http://thisiswhyyourehuge.com/

Never have I been so turned on by food unless you count any of the “hey watch me eat this ridiculously decadent sandwich from a tiny diner in Dirtbag, Iowa,” Food Network programming. Really between Guy’s Triple D show and Travel Channel’s Adam on Man vs Food, I think that instead of eating a meal of sensible proportions, I SHOULD BE EATING A 7LB CHILI CHEESEBURGER!

What I’ve found out from my food watching over the years is that there isn’t much going for my area as far as amazing diners, drive-ins, and dives. I guess we got all the shithole diners, nasty drive-ins, and every time I eat there I get horrible diarrhea and think I’m going to die-ves. If there was a Food Network / Travel Channel map of all the most bodacious places to eat, it would have a barren wasteland of about an hour in every direction radiating from my house.

Woooo let's all go down to the Eat & Shit

I think there should be an anti-foodie show where a person goes to a bunch of restaurants that are just terrible. Let’s follow New York Times Food Editor Charles Coenstein on his journey across America. Besides being amazed at what cows look like, he will hit up every Bob Evans, Golden Corral, and Ponderosa that he comes across.  I just like the idea of instead of eating something just mouthwateringly terrible for you, he'll just eat things that are terrible. 



This is the chicken fried steak with jello gravy.

Ok, Ok. He’ll just eat at places that have “food bars” and “fixin’s bars.” Something about Roy Rogers just made me uncomfortable when after you bought your hamburger the cashier would direct you to the “Fixin’s Bar.” It’s one thing to watch someone else put shitty stuff on your shit sandwich but to make me do it myself? That’s just too much for me to handle. I would find myself looking at the fixin’s bar and wondering who becomes exulted at the sight of this all you can eat condiment buffet?

One reader has reminded me that Roy Rogers still exists. How could you go through any of the fine New Jersey Turnpike rest areas without noticing?

Weekend News:

Atomic Hickey

We're all Poop Posters after all.

I wish my nick name was Tony Bagels

And hopefully everyone is with me on watching this slowly burn