Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Internships and Jewternships


Do you ever have people just hanging around your cubicle just yammering away about something that has nothing to do with you?

Of course you don’t. Your dreams are intact. You have a magnanimous sense of self-worth that hasn’t been crushed by a biweekly paycheck and a yearly Christmas party. Or if you’re in the same boat, be quiet and let me pretend that you know you and I know I.

Today I found a Nerf Gun top 10 list.

It made me think about how awesome it was to get pseudo weaponry as a child. We’re brought up to fight the world with everything we have. We just only seemed to have Styrofoam Arrows and Suction Cup darts in our mini arsenal at the time. But, that paved the way to adulthood, where the world is your oyster. (Where in the world is your oyster?!) You can do anything if you put your mind to it unless it involves someone having to pay you to do it. This is completely true. I can attest to this: eating is fundamental.

And what the hell do you do if you don’t like oysters?

In my life, I’ve interned for three places: a production studio, a radio station, and a museum. I spent two years of my life, collectively, performing unpaid tasks that were as awesome as meeting celebrities and as banal as cleaning toilets. The radio station actually gave me a job afterwards for many years, but at the beginning of this year, after dwindling my hours from full time, to part time, to as needed, to lucky if you work 3 hours this month, they finally cut me loose.

So what does interning do for you? In job interviews, the moment I say I interned for so and so, they blow me off. This is especially true if you’ve interned at more than one place. Their immediate reaction is:

“Why has he interned at more than one place? Did he steal things from those studios? I bet he smells. Yeah he definitely stole things and he smells. What the hell HD channel is Telemedia Broadcasting anyway? I bet they show Seinfeld reruns. Man I love Kramer and George…”

That’s about as much guff I have with internships. Being entirely objective, I think it’s all crap. It’s slave labor surrounded by things that interest the party involved. It’s like getting a cat to pull a wagon of catnip up a hill for seven months and then saying, “Yeah, the position you were looking for…umm catnip eater/roller arounder/cuteness quality control specialist has been filled by an outside green source.”

This happened to me. Amazingly, I interned at a studio for so long that I ended up on their staff page.

I stopped interning there about a year and a half ago.

Sometimes in order to get over things you got to get over them.


MOAR News:
This will be a recurring spot on my posts. The majority of what I see during the day is news related. So this will be the area that I keep you up to date on the happenings of retards across the world. Most mainstream hot topics will not be discussed; nothing about Obama’s puppy will be seen here.

But here’s a woman who taped her puppy to the fridge.

She’s quoted as saying,” We were going to get rid of him anyway. We usually don't do this.” This really beckons the question, “What the hell do you usually do?”

Side note: Why is there a picture of a dog with a wig in the article? Dogs with hair prosthetics make me irate. I almost want to tape it to a fridge.

We've all been here or here at least once or twice in our lives.

THIS: is awesome

It’s very easy to force someone to make a split second judgment of your character. Just use the word “crotchfruit” in reference to a child and slam-bam-thank-ya-ma’am, judgment hath been rendered.

1 comment:

  1. this is one of the best blogs ever made. period.

    i love you.