Monday, April 20, 2009

Chicks and Bricks

420 has a lot to do with everything so let’s solve some mysteries together.

I Shat Brix:

When I was lying in my bed listening to Limp Bizkit’s Significant Other album the other day, I wondered to myself, “Man, what the hell happened to that magazine Highlights?” It only seemed like it was available for subscription to doctor’s offices around the country. My favorite part, as if there was any other part to the magazine, was finding the hidden crap in the picture. It was a roll of the dice whether or not you would get a magazine that some bastard had already gone through and circled the hidden items. This was calming as a child. I could enhance my search and destroy methods therefore evading any premonitions about the white robe guy hitting me with a hammer or making me sit on wax paper in a small room, almost naked, for hours.

Lucky for us, after highlights, Where’s Waldo stepped in to become our new favorite search-for-this-dude book. Let’s face it; Waldo Books weren’t to be owned. You looked at them in the library to combat reading comprehension, found Waldo, and got the hell out of there.

Yes, the elusive gap of “search-for-___” was widened after Waldo’s immanent demise. Now, with the internet, we have “When you see it. You’ll shit bricks.” I believe the beginning revolved around the insertion of a picture of a random black man into an otherwise friendly or fun situation picture with white people.


AND There HE is!

Where’s Waldo and Highlights have been ripped off, squashed and delineated into a meme. A meme that has its own website.

Side Note: I think that any meme that becomes its own website has lost the ability to be considered a meme any longer and it should be regarded as passé, cliché, and deadé. Do you hear me Lolcats, Nom Nom Nom, ShoopDaWoop, LongCat, Tacgnol, PedoBear vs Chris Hansen and Horsedick?

Ok ok, Chris Hansen, PedoBear and Horsedick can stay…nom nom nom too.

Dubs of popular mini-infomercials: Thanks Acidravelamp.

Your daily dose of irrational Japanese game shows is here.

MOAR News: Columbine Anniversary Edition.

Today’s news barrage is sponsored by Requip. Anything that can help me stop shaking and start gambling pathologically is alright with me. Thank you, Michael J Parkinson’s.

This woman is awful at bowling. She has a hard enough time bowling her age. You’d think that after all those years of practice that she’d be scoring a 300 game every time.

Fox News Guy knows how to dress for a Whitehouse Press Conference.

I don’t know why anyone would want to make liquid feces -- which I believe is the 6th state of matter -- a thing of the past,

Get your nerd on.

Mumumumumu Mixed Grill. I really want to shake this guy’s hand. He wins the award for going-to-any-lengths-to-assure-his-proximity-to a-blacked-out-drunk-girl. Bonus points for trying to bring said drunk, blacked out girl home.

And finally, a story we can all get behind. I often find myself in the same mindset. If I’m driving down the road and I see that there are flaggers for one lane ahead, I consider lighting my car on fire in lieu of stopping. I mean are they going to insist that the flaming car stop or do they just let him pass by and become an Australian citizen? Sounds like an easy decision to me.

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